Typewriting Monkeys, by Joe Balaz
English is definitely not dere first language.
Da theory goes
dat if you give
wun infinite number of primates
wun infinite number of typewriters
eventually da buggahs
going produce da works of Shakespeare.
Researchers at wun university in England
wen put dat notion to da test.
In wun project
intended more as performance art
den scientific experiment
faculty and students
in da university’s Anthropology department
wen put wun computer
into da monkey enclosure
at wun nearby zoo.
Dey wen find out
dat six monkeys left alone
wit da machine foa wun month
attacked da ting
and failed to produce wun single word.
Dey did have wun random coincidence
wit da letter S dough.
da lead male got wun stone
and started bashing da hell
out of journalism’s modern tool.
all of dem wuz interested in doing
wuz in defecating and urinating
all ovah da keyboard.
In da end da monkeys wen produce
five pages of text
composed primarily of da letter S.
As far as evolution goes
now we know
wheah certain media critics came from.
Joe Balaz writes in Hawaiian Islands Pidgin (Hawai’i Creole English) and in American-English. He edited Ho’omanoa: An Anthology of Contemporary Hawaiian Literature. Some of his recent Pidgin writing has appeared in Rattle, Juked, Otoliths, and Hawai’i Review, among others. Balaz is an avid supporter of Hawaiian Islands Pidgin writing in the expanding context of World Literature. He presently lives in Cleveland, Ohio.